Forever and Always Read online

  I reached for my phone. I wanted to contact her but at the same time, didn’t want to get myself into something that I would regret.

  I took a deep breath and in an instant of confidence, I said, “screw it!”

  I sent her a text message telling her that I would be at the party. Moments later, she texted back with details of where it was being held. I made note of the address and straight after, I put my phone face down on the table. I stood up and began pacing around the kitchen. One of my flatmates came in and saw me in my moment of frenzy.

  “You alright, Adri?” He asked me, concerned.

  With heavy breathing, I turned to him, “yeah… yeah, just nervous.”

  He came up to me and placed his hand on my shoulder to calm me down. We both sat at the table. I was in hysterics and unevenly breathing. My heart was beating more rapidly that it had done in a very long while. I was very aware of my pulse.

  I couldn’t believe I was going to a party. A girl as civil as myself attending such an event was unprecedented but simultaneously thrilling.

  I spent a solid two hours deciding what I was going to wear. After trying on everything fancy that I owned, I settled for a simple black tunic which I wore over the top of skinny jeans and some platform boots.

  Once my makeup was done, I headed out. I booked myself a taxi and at last I arrived at the venue. In all honesty, I had no idea who this Katie person was but since she was Georgia’s friend, I just assumed everything was going to be okay. I was extraordinarily nervous though. In my head were images of the typical American house parties that you see in Hollywood films. The kind with hammered college students, loud music, a trashed house which the parents of the host would become enraged at.

  The house was pretty typical for the outskirts of south London. It was a rather conservative looking neighbourhood and there certainly wasn’t anyone throwing up on the kerb of the street or loud students outside. However, the pounding beat of an electronic song could be heard from the outside. Once I paid the cab driver, I found myself staring at the house. I wasn’t sure whether to just go in or give Georgia a call to let her know that I had arrived.

  I went with the latter to avoid embarrassment. I called once and she didn’t answer. I called again and I could barely hear her voice screaming over the music inside.

  “Hey, it’s Adri, I’m outside!” I said.

  “Okay, I’ll be right out!” She responded.

  After a few minutes, at last I caught sight of her. She was holding a beer can and was evidently tipsy.

  “You made it!” She enthusiastically shouted at my face.

  With a small run up, she hugged me tightly which made me uncomfortable due to the fact that she was under the influence of alcohol.

  “Nice to see you.” I replied quite conservatively.

  “Come in, come in. Let’s get you a drink.” She said.

  It was at that moment that I was beginning to have doubts that I had made a big mistake showing up. I feared that she would be drunk and that I would feel like a complete outsider among her group of friends.

  As we walked in through the front door, that’s exactly what we were met with: drunk students. Georgia was pulling on my hand leading me somewhere and I stopped abruptly. She felt the resistance in her hand and turned to face me.

  “Look Georgia I’m not really comfortable with this.” I stated my discomfort.

  “Don’t be! What you need is a drink! Let’s get one into that hand of yours, it’ll help loosen you up.” She replied, ignoring my tone which implied malaise.

  She tried tugging on my hand again but I pulled away insistently. “No Georgia, you know I don’t drink.”

  She seemed irritated at me and in retrospect, I was being a bit of a prude. “Then why did you come here?” She said with a stern face.

  “Why did I come here?! You invited me even after I told you I don’t drink. The question is, why did you invite me in the first place? You said it was a small do but this to me, is a big do…full of…drunk kids and….the smell of… piss…” My anxiety levels were increasing.

  Georgia didn’t say anything but dropped her composure. Her face which only seconds ago demonstrated frustration and anger now presented a sympathetic regard.

  She grinned delicately and said, “come with me.”

  I sighed and allowed her to take me wherever she was planning on taking me. We walked away from the main scene of the party which presumably was Katie’s living room.

  Eventually, we reached the kitchen which was the quietest part of the downstairs of the house.

  Georgia looked at me and said, “okay, let’s talk.”

  “About what?” I asked, confused.

  “Well, I know you said you don’t drink but you don’t have to. You seem a little cold. Is everything okay?” She asked.

  I rubbed my face and took a deep breath, “yeah.. I’m fine, I’m fine. Look, I’m sorry for how I am being. You just have to understand that I am not used to this kind of thing. I’ve never really been to a party before and I guess it’s just a bit overwhelming.”

  Georgia hugged me again and said softly, “hey hey it’s okay, I get it. Just relax, everything is okay…seriously it is! Why don’t you stay close to me then? We’ll have a good time, we’ll dance, you’ll meet my friends and have a fun night.”

  I smiled at her and we shared an intense moment of looking into each other’s eyes. She glanced down at my lips and asked, “does that sound okay to you?”

  I nodded and felt a lot more relaxed. It’s funny how during this time, she didn’t seem as drunk as I initially thought she was. If she hadn’t been so understanding, there is no doubt in my mind that I would have just walked out that door and gone home. But something about her words and the way she talked to me made me trust her in a reassuring manner.

  We returned to the living room where everyone was and although I was still a bit nervous, I was certainly more willing to open up. I focused on Georgia the entire time since she had given me her word that she’d effectively take care of me all night as long as I remained within her proximity. She danced amateurishly with a drink still in her hand. I followed along by merely swaying my body. After only a few seconds, a group of people came over to greet Georgia. This made me feel a little left out since they crowded around her, enthusiastically embraced her and started their own dialogue without me.

  Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed that I was evidently quite isolated so she said, “guys, this is Adri. She’s a new friend of mine.”

  They briefly turned, said hello to me and then carried on focusing solely on Georgia. My solitude and intense alienation was a recurring burden all night. While I wanted so badly to fit in, I didn’t and I knew well that I was out of place. As the night progressed, I did not want to make Georgia feel uncomfortable or awkward and my presence seemed to be doing that. Clearly, she was a popular girl and the last thing I wanted to do was to spoil someone else’s fun. Besides, her drinks kept adding up, the music increasingly got louder and I was a sore thumb sticking out amongst the masses. So, I left.

  I excused myself before dozens of college students as I tried to pass through. Finally, I reached the door and opened it. I didn’t realise how stuffy and compact it was inside the house until the fresh cool of the night struck my face once I was outside.

  For most, such a breath of air would be a relief. Like being freed from a suffocation chamber. But for me, the suffocation was within and it existed in the deepest realm of my spirit. I was embarrassed and hurriedly trying my best to get away as if I could eradicate the fact that I was even there in the first place. But low and behold, a voice called my name.

  “Adri!”

  I turned around and of course, it was an inebriated Georgia. She was chasing after me with a hint of a limp in her step. I tried to ignore this and was more curious as to what she wanted with me. My anxiety increased and I didn’t know the reason. Surely, if I wanted to go home, I was well within my rights to do so. Besides, I am
not the social type to lose myself in a cocktail of cheap boos, sweaty bodies and unbearable music. Anybody can understand that right? So why did I feel such a need to explain myself.

  With my thoughts racing, Georgia caught up with me. I was still stood stationary waiting for her by the side of the road. She stopped in front of me. She was shaking because of the cold.

  “Well that was kind of rude.” She uttered.

  “Excuse me?” I responded. I did not like being confronted in a way that made it seem like I was the problem. I mean, I knew that I probably was the outcast but still, she knew what she had signed up for when she invited me. I gave her plenty of prior warning that I wasn’t one to take part in the social side of college life. Sad as it is to admit.

  “You just left. Do I not get a goodbye…or at least an explanation?” Georgia forcefully asserted.

  I was about to reply but she butted in “I invite you to a party, I introduce you to my friends and this is how you repay me?”

  I chuckled out of disbelief for how far she had exaggerated the situation.

  “It was too hot in there and everyone was getting wasted. You said that I didn’t have to drink and while I do appreciate kindness, it just got a little too much for me.” I said, attempting to sound polite.

  Georgia didn’t seem to be able to hear me. She toppled over and I grabbed her before she fell to the ground. I was unsure what to do next.

  “Georgia…Georgia?” I kept repeating her name as I held her from her armpits like a puppeteer.

  Ultimately, I knew that I only had one option: to carry her back to the party. I put my back into it and lifted her up. To a third party, it would appear as though I was carrying a corpse or rescuing a body.

  Surprisingly, there was something sweet about the ordeal. While I was burdened by this kind of responsibility, I also felt like I was doing something good for an extremely adorable girl. Her back was soft. Her limp body was mellow and her face looked so peaceful. Once we arrived at the house, I realised that it was not the best idea to bring her inside. Her drunk friends would likely panic and if she were to wake up, she’d be freaked out and humiliated. So alternatively, I took her out round the back where there was an immense garden.

  I began to struggle with the weight I was bearing and the stress it was putting on my back. I carried her for one last stretch and we went deep into the garden where nobody could see us.

  There was a small hammock which looked quite secure so I placed Georgia there. I checked her pulse and luckily, she was still breathing. I ran back to the house in order to get her some water, some painkillers and a blanket.

  When I reached the house, I knocked. A tall blonde girl opened it and said, “oh hey! Adri, isn’t it?”

  “Yeah hi. Could I get some water please and maybe a paracetamol?” I asked while I entered the house.

  “Um yeah sure.” The girl was phased.

  “I just have a bit of a headache” I explained.

  “Oh I see! Gotcha!” She answered.

  The girl went off to the kitchen and I stood alone near the entrance. Some people were staring at me but I didn’t really care. All I was thinking about was Georgia and if she was alright. I didn’t want to delay any further.

  In the corner of the room, the sofa caught my eye. There was a large folded blanket on top of it. I grabbed it and in that instant, the girl returned with the water and two paracetamols.

  “Thank you!” I smiled.

  She smiled back but looked puzzled by the blanket in my hand.

  “Do you think it’d be okay to borrow this. I’m just heading outside to make a call to my mother. Might be a while…you know how moms are” I laughed.

  “Sure, go for it! Also…do you happen to know where Georgia is? We lost her about a half hour ago."

  “Yeah she’s fine, she just went out for some air. She’ll be back soon I would assume.”

  “Awesome! Well, have fun” the girl said before rushing back to her friends.

  I quickly and worriedly paced back to the hammock. Georgia was still out. I once more checked her pulse. She was fine by the looks of things. I placed the blanket over her and took a seat on the icy grass holding the water. I put the pills in my jacket pocket and just absorbed the night.

  I closed my eyes and meditated to myself. I could hear the distant music from the house but what was more prominent in my field of auditory sense was the silence of the night. The silence which we have before we are born and the silence which exists once we perish. It is so rare to enjoy such a sensation while we are on the earth.

  Life is a period of noisy time. There is hardly ever a moment where we can just do nothing and simply be. Time marches forward and we are its slaves. Deadline after deadline, expectation after expectation, endeavour after endeavour. This night was vastly different though. It was tranquil. I looked over at Georgia’s peaceful body and she was breathing consistently. The pattern was noticeable. Patterns are what we love. Patterns help us make sense of the world. But there is seldom a pattern which we can hold onto long enough to analyse and appreciate.

  Life’s waves are manic and inconsistent. We hold onto those we love as support mechanisms and hope that we make it to the end of the day untouched. But we are never untouched, are we? We all end up bruised. It’s about how much resistance we can build to endure the painful ride of the roller coaster that this life consists of.

  Still, in Georgia’s breath and her majestic essence, I found consistency. She lay with that gorgeous face that my heart beats hard for. As I stared at her, awaiting a conscious response from her, all I was thinking was ‘how can such an amazing human being subject herself to such alcohol infused degradation?’

  She was worth more than this. You see, I didn’t even know Georgia. When we met back at the coffee house, her eyes demonstrated pain, her composure showed me insecurity. Her hands were those of a person who was vulnerable: always clasped and holding onto the unattainable. Who was she, really? I wanted to know.

  Her sleeping body was different to all of that. In her slumber, she was open. No trembling, no anxieties. It made me wonder if there is actually so much more to this girl than she believes.

  All of a sudden, I heard a groan. I stood up and placed my hand on Georgia’s forehead.

  “How do you feel? I asked.

  Georgia opened her eyes slowly. She looked in pain as she felt her temples. Rubbing them slowly, she looked up at me. “Adri?” She mumbled with a croaky voice.

  She cleared her throat and repeated the same, “Adri?”

  “Yeah I’m here, I’m here.” I answered reassuringly.

  She glanced down at the blanket.

  “What happened?” Georgia asked.

  “Well you kind of fell over by the roadside. I helped you up and brought you out here.” I said.

  She was dazed and confused. I then remembered the painkillers and presented her the glass of water with the pills. “Here take these. They’ll help your head.”

  Georgia sighed and groaned again. She drank the water as if she were a parched deer who had endured severe dehydration. Laying back into the hammock, she looked up at me. “You did this?”

  I nodded.

  “But why?”

  “Because someone needed to take care of you. With all those weirdos in that house and it being late at night, who knows what could have happened to you?” I said.

  She smiled and held out her hand. Not being certain what she wanted, I gave her the glass. She laughed and said, “no, give me your hand.”

  I obliged.

  “Nobody has ever done that for me before. Thank you.”

  “What do you mean?” I asked.

  “You don’t want to know.” Georgia replied quickly.

  “Then why did I ask…please tell me.”

  Georgia sat up. Her back clicked and she adjusted herself into a more comfortable posture.

  “This sort of thing has happened to me before. I was out with Katie and a few of her friends. We were in London
and it was a Saturday night. All of us got wasted but I was the light-weight of the group. I can’t handle my alcohol that well. Anyways, I left the nightclub to get some fresh air. I was dizzy, I couldn’t see straight. I just saw glimpses of the street lights, the cabs, the bars and the people walking past. Everything just blurred into one big mess of a sight.

  I fell over and hit my head on the pavement. The only thing that I remember is Katie coming over to me with her friends. They probably noticed the bruises and the blood and felt guilty. I distinctively remember Katie saying ‘let’s get out of here’ and running off with her mates.

  I woke up at five o’clock in the morning in a gutter. I smelt awful and was covered in trash and grime from the streets. I didn’t know what had occurred but thankfully, nothing too bad happened to me.